I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
