First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Four minutes until I can fart!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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