as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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