Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
