It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Houston, we have a blender
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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