You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
