Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
