i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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