woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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