The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
