pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
