Quick, to the slutcave!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
