I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
