Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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