Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
