I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
