WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
