thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
