i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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