I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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