If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
