What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
