"it" just moved
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
