You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Still dying that you shit outside
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
