I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
