how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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