Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
