Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
