and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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