Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Please, let me fuck your mom
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
