I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
