Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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