Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
