His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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