he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I only lived at night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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