I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
