I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
