Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
