Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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