Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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