So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
