Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
