Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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