as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
