I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
