what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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