I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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