that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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