At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
