i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
