it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
