ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
