just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
