I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
