I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
