i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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