I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
