Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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