i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
