I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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